Cousins

My cousin Wayne sent me a link to view some of my grandparents' home movies. Wayne rescued these from the scrap heap left when Grandma C died in 1993. The newly digitized video was a little "scrappy." But as I watched the parade of Grandpa's grandchildren march through his proud movies, I was touched. Memories stirred of long-ago days when I was one of that group. I was excited to see my cousins and I interact together in that setting. Cousins! What a blessing they are! We don't always remember or hang out with our cousins, but in my case they are an integral and treasured part of my life.

Cousins, aunts and uncle interact this summer in Florida

As a grandmother, I love to see my grandchildren interact together in "cousinly ways." A favorite part of grandchild watching is to see how the children of different families share friendship with each other. Each is enriched in the process. The same is true of Rachel and her cousins. This year several of her cousins married. Other cousins came to the various celebrations. I love watching the interactions of the cousins and now the second cousins as their children find friends among family members as well. A pair of girl cousins who were close to Rachel's age particularly brought Rachel back to me this month. Sweet thoughts filled my heart as I heard the conversations, casual and sometimes serious, of these two women. I treasure my cousins and I treasure my children's cousins too.

Memorial Day

"Waving flags are beautiful, the call of the lone bugle is tender, and the sharp report of a gun salute is a great honor, but to be held in sweet remembrance is the finest tribute of all."

Carl and Stephen working together

Last week this quote from "Music and the Spoken Word" with the Tabernacle Choir grabbed my heart. "To be held in sweet remembrance is the finest tribute of all." I hold many loved ones in sweet remembrance. The older you get, the more people there are to love, and many of them have passed on. As a family, we particularly remembered my daughter Rachel and her girls this year. First we had an outing at Thanksgiving Point, once again enjoying the Dinosaur Museum and lovely grounds there. It was our granddaughter Addie's favorite place to visit with her grandparents. Then we met again at the Rachel Stubbs McTeer Memorial Park. There a lovely monument stands to honor Rachel and we had some plans to do the same.

At the park's dedication in 2006, our family planted a tree in Rachel's memory. However, it didn't survive the winter. I felt that it was time to replant. The season was right and the ground has been prepared by our heavy spring rains this year. We bought the same type of tree, a flowering pear tree that will blossom in the spring, provide shade all summer and then show beautiful red autumn foliage. 

Olivia, Andy and Amanda celebrate the planting.

I couldn't help but ponder the symbolism of our replanting. The season of Rachel's death was difficult, but we pulled together in love as a family. The last six years have been hard on many of us and there have been heartaches and divisions. However, I believe the ground has been prepared for a season of renewing our love and family unity. I'm looking forward to basking in that love and enjoying the beautiful "foliage" of family life that surrounds us. 

Amy and Stephen compare ribbons as Tommy looks on.

An especially sweet moment occurred at the tree planting when both Amy and Stephen pulled out their pieces of ribbon from the original ribbon cutting at the park. They had each carried those little white ribbons with them for 5 years. Amy also had her little rock from that day with her. Each of us had been given an small apache tear. These little rocks look black, but when held to the light, they are transparent. This Memorial Day 2011, after the tree was planted in that beautiful spot, Jim led our family group in prayer to ask God's blessings on the park and on our family.

Park monument as it is today

We also noticed that Rachel's dreams for this piece of ground were being fulfilled. Many people were enjoying the park, its walking path, playground and basketball hoop and athletic field. It's a small park, but it has been used and enjoyed.  The monument reads "Rachel Stubbs McTeer: Alpine City Planner; A cheerful, outgoing, positive personality; Adelaide, Elizabeth (in a heart); A loving Mother." We totally agree. 

The Cousin Test

Quite awhile ago I asked Rachel's cousin Jeni if she would like to guest post on this blog. She said yes, but thought she should do other stuff, like complete her chemo for cancer first. (See her blog "This Isn't my First Rodeo" for other examples of her excellent writing.) I love reading her memories of those sweet years--let the new husbands and wives of the cousin group read and learn. 


Rachel, Jeni, Melanie, Martha, and Angie. We were the core of our cousin group. This was not an exclusive group, if the fabulous older ones wanted to play, Anna, Amy, Julie, Joy or the exciting and numerous younger ones, we were more than willing to expand the connection of cousins. Sometimes we even enjoyed playing with our boy cousins, especially if Nerf Guns were involved.

The core group and others ended up in the Provo area in the late 1990s. This coincided with our college, mission for Rachel, and marrying years. We lived and played together so of course we felt we could offer our opinions about who we should or should not date. This evolved into the Cousin Test. Since Rachel and I were the oldest and the alternating “voice of authority” we were the main administrators of the test. Many a nice boy was unknowingly found wanting as he attempted to date one of us. Even worse were the ones who found out we considered them unworthy of the affection of the dear cousins.

The essence of the test was the fact that we thought very highly of each other and if the boy did not act and think that way as well, he was doomed from the start.

Here are the main points of the test as I remember them:

Intelligence: Of course it would be impossible to find someone smarter than any of us. They did have to match wits, and have a love of learning. Rachel liked to debate for fun and she was so nice about it, many unsuspecting boys realized too late she had bested them. We would watch the train crash, taking notes, knowing the truly intelligent ones refused to get in the ring with her.

Fun Loving: We liked to laugh (I still think of funny things to tell Rachel - I would love to hear her appreciative laugh again), dance, and make fools of ourselves. This did not detract from our intelligence, but rather showed we knew there was a time and place for everything. Rachel was always good for a quick fierce card game of Pounce, a swim in the pool, Nerf Wars, snowball fight, or car trips. When the boys joined these adventures they needed to throw themselves into the activity completely without being too competitive. Even better was if they could make walking to school in the cold or cleaning enjoyable, like Rachel could.

Hard Worker: We all came from big families where hard work was expected. Not only did the boy need to do his share, but also attempt to do more, as Rachel always managed to do. The quiet corollary to this is that I had a bad back, and so was not expected to do heavy lifting. Of course nobody would remember to tell the poor boy, he was just expected to discern this from the look on my face as I struggled to lift something without the other cousins noticing. If he did not immediately jump in, Rachel or the cousins would, and he had failed.

Appreciative: Gestures of thankfulness were common among the cousins. Thank you notes, cookies, and hugs were everyday occurrences. Rachel made it easy to want to do things for her, because she was always so genuinely grateful. Hopefully the boys had learned the fine art of appreciation at home, because otherwise we quickly ceased wanting to do anything for them.

Family: If you cannot tell by now, family was of the utmost importance. The boy needed to be kind to the girl that he was wooing, but also to her cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, second cousins, and friends that were like family. Rachel had all these married siblings with kids that she wanted and we wanted to spend time with. Between Anna, Carl, Amy and Mark's kids, and Julia, there was always a way to see how the interested suitor acted around children. The adoring boy had to learn more names of cousins and their kids then he thought possible, and know how they were related. Hopefully he could master that in just one family Easter egg hunt, mission farewell, or game night. These were people he could expect to see at family reunions or gatherings, and read about in the newsletter. This was family we loved and expected them to love as well.

There are so many cousins getting married this year. I would like to talk to Rachel about it. She could explain the Utah contingent's positions and I could illuminate how the Nevadans feel. In the end we would both just be glad that our cousins had found someone that made them happy.

All Things Will Be Restored: My Locket

The day of Rachel's funeral (23 June 2005), I was looking for my locket. I can't remember what I was wearing, but I remember really wishing I could find my lost necklace, a locket my husband Jim had given me. I thought it would look good with my dress that day and I just needed the physical reminder that I was loved. I'd been looking for that locket for several weeks. I hadn't seen it since I came home from Nevada the first time, to go to Girls Camp with my Young Women.

Rachel had been so excited the day Julia and I drove home together that first week of June, 2005. She called us several times asking, "Where are you now? Can't you drive any faster?" We laughed and we all three looked forward to seeing each other again. It had been awhile since we had gone to Boulder City, Nevada to help care for my dying mother-in-law. Rachel's new baby had just been born, and we had missed sharing much of the new baby stuff together. Sure enough, when we drove into our driveway, Rachel was already there and it was hugs all around as Julia and I piled out of the car. What a happy day! She was excited to give me batteries for my birthday. Batteries for the headlamp I had purchased for our family reunion that month.

Then came the week at camp with the Mutual girls and after that was over, we headed back to Boulder City for our reunion. I felt sad that Rachel and her cousin Jeni couldn't come to the reunion that year. I had planned it for months and I was hoping for a huge success, commemorating our family's Boulder City years. Rachel had decided to visit Jeni in northern Nevada instead, opting for the "better part," a quiet celebration with her favorite friend/cousin, who was still recovering from cancer. Just as well. Although there are always good times for me at my family's reunions, there were also many difficulties that year. The weather was unbearably hot, especially for the Idahoans. Even the air at the motel didn't work right. Jim was allergic to the oleanders at the campground and the air in our ancient RV wasn't working either, despite our best efforts. He retreated to his dad's house.

I soldiered on, determined to make everything work. A mouse interrupted my sleep and the days were hot, but the worst night by far was the last night I was there. I never got to the end of that reunion--the grand finale I had planned--attending church on Father's Day as a family with my dad in the ward where he was once the bishop. That night before, my son-in-law called me with the news that Rachel had been killed in a car crash on her way home from Jeni's. She would never receive my last cell phone message, answering her recording about their private cousins' reunion, comparing notes with ours.

Now I was home again in Utah and I still hadn't seen that locket, though I was almost entirely unpacked from the long series of trips. My suitcase was on the love seat in my bedroom though, and on impulse (or inspiration), I reached down into the inside pocket, looking for my second choice necklace to wear. When I pulled it out, it was hooked to something else. My lost locket. I could not believe my eyes. I had looked in that very place, among many others, for that locket, yet there it was. I dissolved in tears and said my thank yous to God. His answer came back to me clearly, "All things will be restored, just as this locket has been. Be at peace. Your daughter will rise again and your love for each other will be renewed."

It is a promise I have never forgotten. It is the same promise I received the first Easter after the August day my mother died. I sang the words, "Death is conquered, man is free. Christ has gained the victory."  I saw the picture in my mind of my dear mother rising from her casket and embracing me once more. From that day in 1982 to this Easter in 2011, I rejoice in His message and His good news. "All things will be restored." I know that is true.

Happy Birthday Elyzabeth

This month I have been thinking about my mother, my grandmothers and my mother line. Today is the birthday of a very dear granddaughter. Her name is Elizabeth Anne or Elyzabeth, I believe her mother is now spelling it. I hope she kept the Anne. It was my mother's name.  In fact, Elyzabeth's mother line has both her names in it.

I haven't been in contact with Elyzabeth for over 4 years. I miss her very much and I hope someday she will read this post and other letters I have written and saved for her. Her birth mother (my daughter) died nearly 6 years ago and when her father remarried, they "uninvited" my husband and I and our extended family out of their daughters' lives.

I remember the day Elyzabeth was born. I was at the hospital with her father and mother. Things weren't going as well as we had hoped. Her mother was in labor, but the baby was in distress. My daughter Rachel, always one to put her children first, decided to have the recommended C-section. I worried about that. I worried that her subsequent pregnancies and deliveries would then be harder. That worry was premature. Rachel was killed in a car accident 3 months later and she would not have any more pregnancies.

Back to the labor room 6 years ago today. They took Rachel into surgery and her husband dressed in the sterile jumpsuit the hospital provided. We joked together and I took his picture and off he went to get his first glimpse at little Elyzabeth, an absolutely perfect little baby girl. The rest of the day we took turns holding her, admiring her and imagining her future. Now she is 6. Her future has begun. Dear Elyzabeth, I wish much happiness for you today. I wish beauty and joy in your life.

I have 12 granddaughters and 12 grandsons. I was at the hospital for the births of every one of my 9 birth granddaughters. (I didn't meet my 3 step-granddaughters that early.) Every one was beautiful and perfect. Each filled me with joy at her birth. Several of them were named for grandmothers and great-grandmothers: 1 for me, 4 for my mother, 1 for my mother-in-law, 1 for her grandmother and 3 for aunts. What a heritage these young girls have! What a gift I have to know and love each one! I love women's history and I love seeing it being made today. Happy birthday Elyzabeth! You are part of something that is very special.

Women's History Month

Women's History Month seems like the perfect time to remember Rachel, who was passionate about history. I've blogged before about her research into World War II propaganda and her penchant for "Rosie the Riveter."
The Brigham Young University (Rachel's alma mater or is it alma pater in this case?) Museum of Art is now displaying an exhibition entitled "At War: The Changing Face of American War Illustration," which illustrates the way war posters influenced the public.

I'm anxious to view this exhibit. I'll be remembering Rachel as I do.

Personal Record: about 1985

February 1983

I just found Rachel's old "Book of Remembrance." This entry is undated, but she includes her baptism date on the other side of the paper, so it may have been soon after that event in January of 1984.

I lost the family home evening book that I needed to make a present for Amy. I asked Mom if she had seen it. She said no, maybe I took it downstairs. I looked down there but I only found another book like it except with the flannel board pieces I needed already cut out. I asked Mom again and showed her that book to see if she had seen it. She said no again and she said she lost the collar on the pattern she was making too. I kneeled down by the bench and said a prayer to ask Heavenly Father to help me find my book and Mom to find the collar piece.

As I was kneeling down I opened my eyes and looked under the table to the other bench and I saw the book. It was hiding under the typewriter. When Mom started to cut the material out she set the typewriter down on the bench and it was hiding under it. I'm so glad Heavenly Father helped me find my book and I hope Mom finds the pattern soon too.

I love Heavenly Father and Jesus and I know the Church is true and I love my teacher and my family, in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.